Friday, May 24, 2013

From the Empirical Archives: What I'd Ban by Carol V. Davis

What I'd Ban
Carol V. Davis
Originally published in the November 2012 issue of Empirical

If I were queen of the world,
Dictator, Minister of Culture, I’d ban the phrase
At the end of the day, especially this election season
with the endless whine of interviews.
My husband vows to prohibit golf, but what’s
so bad about it, other than the dumb outfits?
Middle-aged men should stay away from shorts
that turn knees into the knobs of walking sticks.
I despise purposeful misspellings.
Do you really gain anything by dropping a letter?
Light to lite or night to nite?
I’m starting to sound like Andy Rooney now, but thick
as my hair is, I’ll never match those eyebrows.
When Rooney’d get really annoyed, they’d start to twitch ,
twin propellers warming up on a prop plane.
Or a pair of moths about to swoop in tandem
to attack a tree dripping with ripe peaches.

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