From the Empirical Archives: What I'd Ban by Carol V. Davis

What I'd Ban

Carol V. Davis

Originally published in the November 2012 issue of Empirical

If I were queen of the world,

Dictator, Minister of Culture, I’d ban the phrase

At the end of the day, especially this election season

with the endless whine of interviews.

My husband vows to prohibit golf, but what’s

so bad about it, other than the dumb outfits?

Middle-aged men should stay away from shorts

that turn knees into the knobs of walking sticks.

I despise purposeful misspellings.

Do you really gain anything by dropping a letter?

Light to lite or night to nite?

I’m starting to sound like Andy Rooney now, but thick

as my hair is, I’ll never match those eyebrows.

When Rooney’d get really annoyed, they’d start to twitch ,

twin propellers warming up on a prop plane.

Or a pair of moths about to swoop in tandem

to attack a tree dripping with ripe peaches.

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